Whereupon clarity is delivered

Interviewer: Glenn Beck, thanks for joining us.

Glenn Beck: Peace be with you, my son.

I: I'm sorry?

GB: Peace be with you.

I: Yes, about that.

GB: About what? My proselytizing?

I: Yes, exactly.

GB: I truly believe that people who don't agree with me have lost the plot, and have turned away from God.

I: Hmmm. How exactly would you divine this?

GB: "Divine". Very well done. You see, it's quite simple. I simply look at what other people have been reported as saying, ignore it, and make up what I think they said.

I: And that works?

GB: Works a bloody treat. I'm always right!

I: But what happens when someone actually challenges what you have said with facts?

GB: My dear chap, I haven't got to where I am today by being beholden to facts.

I: You haven't?

GB: Haven't you seen my show? Half-truths, innuendo, giant leaps of logic completely unsupported by the facts. And that's just the first half!

I: What's in the second half?

GB: I can't give away all my secrets.

I: If we could go back to where we started...

GB: Right-o: In the beginning, there was Reagan...

I: Sorry, back to the start of this interview. So your basic point is that people who don't agree with you aren't believers in God?

GB: I don't think it's too strong a phrase to say "Godless heathens".

I: But aren't you a Mormon?

GB: (Sotto voce) Yes.

I: Wouldn't that make the rest of the Christian world...

GB: A bunch of Godless heathens, yes.

I: Oh dear.

GB: Look what happens when you apply logic to what I say! I won't be able to use the air conditioning for at least a month now!

I: Glenn Beck, thanks for your time.

GB: We'll never get the smell out now!