Whereupon clarity is delivered

Interviewer: Glenn Beck, thanks for joining us.

Glenn Beck: Peace be with you, my son.

I: I'm sorry?

GB: Peace be with you.

I: Yes, about that.

GB: About what? My proselytizing?

I: Yes, exactly.

GB: I truly believe that people who don't agree with me have lost the plot, and have turned away from God.

I: Hmmm. How exactly would you divine this?

GB: "Divine". Very well done. You see, it's quite simple. I simply look at what other people have been reported as saying, ignore it, and make up what I think they said.

I: And that works?

GB: Works a bloody treat. I'm always right!

I: But what happens when someone actually challenges what you have said with facts?

GB: My dear chap, I haven't got to where I am today by being beholden to facts.

I: You haven't?

GB: Haven't you seen my show? Half-truths, innuendo, giant leaps of logic completely unsupported by the facts. And that's just the first half!

I: What's in the second half?

GB: I can't give away all my secrets.

I: If we could go back to where we started...

GB: Right-o: In the beginning, there was Reagan...

I: Sorry, back to the start of this interview. So your basic point is that people who don't agree with you aren't believers in God?

GB: I don't think it's too strong a phrase to say "Godless heathens".

I: But aren't you a Mormon?

GB: (Sotto voce) Yes.

I: Wouldn't that make the rest of the Christian world...

GB: A bunch of Godless heathens, yes.

I: Oh dear.

GB: Look what happens when you apply logic to what I say! I won't be able to use the air conditioning for at least a month now!

I: Glenn Beck, thanks for your time.

GB: We'll never get the smell out now!

Where things get a little (more) surreal

Interviewer: Glenn Beck, thanks for joining us.

Glenn Beck: You're more than welcome, you're welcome. I think it's time we took back this interview, the honor of this interview, and recognized this interview for what it is.

I: And that would be?

GB: The beginning of a new interview... a restoration of what interviews should be.. an awakening, if you will, of a New American Interview. That's gold, right there, "New American Interview". Gotta write that one down, that's trademarked by the way.

I: I see. Mr Beck, that does lead me to the obvious question about your rally "Restoring Honor".

GB: Right. Tremendous outpouring of completely ad-hoc and organic belief in America.

I: Ad-hoc?

GB: Exactly! Americans coming together on the spur of the moment to demonstrate their completely unscripted and patriotic love of their nation.

I: But you've been talking about this for a year on Fox News and your radio program, as well as blog posting and interviews with anyone who will listen?

GB: I'm not going to allow you to subvert my First Amendment right to talk about what I believe in! Laura Schlesinger and I are in complete lock-step on this.

I: Interesting, but you're missing my point. How can you claim on one hand that this is an outpouring of belief in America when all you've done is promote it on the media channels you control, and stir up the reactions on the ones you don't control.

GB: Ah, it would seem that you've caught on to me.

I: I'm sorry?

GB: It would seem that you're the one person actually paying attention to what's going on here. Sarah didn't get it, and she's up there speaking!

I: Sarah Palin doesn't realize what's going on?

GB: Nope! Got her completely foxed. She thinks this is a Tea Party related event!

I: But it's not?

GB: Hell no! This is the kickoff of Beck Enterprises "Make tons of cash" Fall Money Drive.

I: It's not about restoring honor or turning to God?

GB: My dear chap, why would I want that? If people actually did believe in my vision of the United States or in God they wouldn't give me the time of day!

I: They wouldn't?

GB: Of course not! I'm busy tearing down the current Administration's policies but not telling anyone what the world would be like if the GOP was in power, or God forbid, the Tea Party. It would be armed insurrection and corporate capitalism gone mad! Noone would buy a corporate-apocalypse zombie world. It's far more palatable to just describe the current situation as bad and trust that everyone will think it'll be better if it's a change.

I: And the God part?

GB: That's the thing: If every Christian looked at the message I'm giving, they'd realize that it's far more Old Testament than New Testament, and frankly, Mel Gibson is only one vote. I need a lot more than that.

I: I see. So "Restoring Honor" is neither restoration nor honorable?

GB: Only in as far as I can buy either of them with the scads of cash that are going to be rolling in from this little shindig.

I: Glenn Beck, thanks for your time.

GB: That'll be $27.50, but don't send any money now, I'll get it from your wallet myself.

I: Glenn Beck, thanks for your time.

GB: Thank you, comrade.

In defence of marriage

No, not that abomination that is DOMA, or any state Constitutional amendment attempting to enforce religious views on the law.

My niece (by marriage) Beth got married last night, and it struck me as quite wonderful that the pastor engaged the audience to be a part of their lives by virtue of being witness to their marriage. It would seem to me that one of the most important things that marriage does, other than allowing those who love one another to be a part of each others lives as spouses, is that you bring other people into that equation as parts of their married life.

It would seem to me that opponents of marriage, which is really what opponents to gay marriage are in a very confusing way, are so quick to deny others the ability to engage their families and friends in that most cherished of ways, a marriage, which is one of the injustices that they seek to inflict on other humans.

Either you are for marriage or you are against it; there is no "separate but equal".

There are two signs by my treadmill.

"Tempus Fugit" and "There are no good excuses". I really need to start running again.

That, and put up the 3rd in my series of motivational posters: "Shut up and run."

Notice I'm eschewing the typical "HTFU" or "Pain is weakness leaving the body" dreck. Latin and direct challenge to my psyche are best.

My mind is stronger than my body right now, but it is patient. With that patience comes the knowledge that I will make my body as strong as my mind, and peace will follow.

May 2011: Kansas City Triathlon. (long course)
July 2011: Shawnee Mission Triathlon. (long course)
August 2011: Jackson County Triathlon. (long course)

I'm going to make this perfectly clear once more

41% of Republican respondents to a poll think the President was born in another country

Seriously. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. There's no hope for this country, not because of the "liberal spending agenda", but because our idiocracy is well on it's way to realization.

On dreck

So one thing that I did notice creeping out of the general malaise regarding the Chelsea Clinton wedding is a fairly steady drumbeat of "she's not pretty".

I just don't understand why this is even a matter of discussion, even in the rags that make their trade from this kind of thing. I don't know Chelsea Clinton nor any of the Clinton clan, but I certainly don't have the ingraciousness to comment on the attractiveness of a bride at her or any other wedding. This is almost right up there with people commenting about how much was spent on the wedding.

Who cares? I don't. You shouldn't either.

Riiiiight

Palin blames media for poor rating amongst independent voters.

Of course! It's the media's fault for actually reporting her positions, and not spinning them like.... her... employer.

Really. You can't have it both ways: you can't blame the media for not doing your bidding while being a part of it. No matter how Fox spins is, it's mainstream. So she's blaming Fox for her poor rating? Oh Uncle Rupert, there's one inside the gates, Sir.

Once more, there's a word for this...

Former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, has pronounced that the current President is not man enough to enforce border security with the nation of Mexico. Once more, Republican hypocrisy comes to the fore.

I have a little authority to speak here, I'm a legal immigrant; a US citizen who wasn't born in the USA. What stuns me about this is that the Party of Business in a brazenly (cojones-ly?) hypocritical way, in one full breath decries the President's lack of action while both ignoring the impotence of previous Presidents (Democrat and Republican alike) and the direct economic benefit that illegal immigrants bring.

Once again: is the GOP for big business or against labor? I'm just asking.